Category: humor

OPSEC During a Zombie Outbreak

OPSEC applies everywhere, even during a zombie outbreak. The following guidelines just might help you to make it through!

OPSEC for humans

  • If the zombies were created by an evil genius, listen carefully when he captures you. He does not understand OPSEC, and will tell you the whole evil plan, including how to stop it. This will be important when you escape.
  • If anyone in your party has allergies, leave them behind! They will invariably sneeze at the worst time possible, revealing your otherwise perfect hiding spot.
  • Tie a string around your finger; write on your hand; magic marker on your forehead; whatever it takes to remember that if you see someone that you know to be dead, they’re probably a zombie. Don’t try to talk to them.
  • The government does not know how to disguise their operations. If you see a convoy of large, unmarked vehicles, leave the area immediately.
  • Try to remember a zombie’s signature, and don’t copy it. If you get drunk and stagger out into the street, you will be mistaken for a zombie and shot.
  • You can always tell who’s going to be zombie-fied next. It’s always right after they say, “Stay here, I’ll be right back”!
  • Apparently, all humans have failed to conduct open-source research. This is why they always say, “what are those things?”

    OPSEC for Zombies

  • Yes, brains are very tasty. No question about that. However, it is unwise to moan “Braaaaaaaains” as you chase after them. That just lets them know you’re coming
  • It’s not necessary to conduct any form of reconnaissance or observation. You will always manage to shuffle across their group no matter where they are hiding or run. In a stroke of genius rivaling any military maneuver, a massive army of zombies will often simultaneously converge on the exact spot that the hero’s vehicle has broken down.
  • There is a standard uniform for zombies. As soon as you are infected, you must wear torn, bloodstained clothes. This is regardless of what you wore before becoming a zombie.
  • Yes, brains are very tasty.
  • If possible, try to eat the quiet, smart guy that doesn’t do anything through the whole movie. At the end, he will be the one that figures out how to destroy you.
  • Try salting the brains before you eat them. Not so much an OPSEC tip, but that’s good eatin’.